Sweatsuit Swag

by Purdy Holsom

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Don't hate the player--hate the way he forces his nuts into your face on the Metro.

lyrics

Sweatsuit Swag
Intro:

So I’m riding the train to work in DC one day and this older guy in a sweatsuit gets on. Plenty of room on the train. But he stands right in front of where I’m sitting, grabs the overhead bar and starts gyrating his junk in my face. And I think to myself, it’s gonna be a long ride to work today.

Verse 1:

How ya doing miss, ya like my BVDs?
JK, ain't no undies under these
G’s like me needs room to breathe
can't bust these moves in khaks or jeans
A subterranean player i'm on a mission
bringin' flavor to my neighbors while  commutin’, sin permission
consider me a seven minute vacation
bringing elation up until the next station with my

Chorus:

Sweatsuit Swag x3 Do a chopper dance in my
Sweatsuit Swag x3 Strike a GQ stance
Sweatsuit Swag x3 Do a chopper dance in my
Sweatsuit Swag x3 'Cause I don't own pants

Verse 2:

Lookin' for love? Just let it find you. Peek-a-boo! I'm right behind you.
Call me a homeless romantic. Who need candles, when ya light a trashcan?
back at my place, i can feed you grapes
as we chat through the breeze on a sewer grate
Get the breeze in ya hair,  like a Mara-lyn Mon-roe
I’m Domo the hobo, let it go where it go
Read the comforter-- get up to speed
As I getcha something nice from behind Mickey D's
As we get acquainted, i don't mean to pry
but I gotta ask--you gonna eat that fry?
Then I be peelin' off my Velcro shoes
paper fiasco holdin’ Wild-I booze
won't want for nothin’  
sippin' on' Tussin
drink til dawn when the cops come cuffin' up my

Chorus


Verse 3:

I see you're hesitant but we got time
as the train still winds, and they ain’t no blinds to hide
the exit sign illuminates
you white-knucklin' the handle 'cause i'm in your face, bae
but i just wanna make my offer clear:  
me. you. this right here
I'm a good mane, and if the feel the Hanes,
we can join up lanes and enjoy some straaaaange

Breakdown/Spoken Section:

Woman: Seriously, dude, I'm just trying to ride to work and you are clearly putting your junk in my face.
Harasser: C'mon baby, i'm a veteran you gotta be nice to me!
Woman: Which war?
Harasser: Korea
Woman: Uh, How old are you?
Harasser: 51
Woman:Uh, that war ended before you were born. I’m gonna leave now.
Harasser: Hey! Bitch! Gimme a dollar!…last time i dance for yo ass..”

*ding-ding*

New Lady: Uh…hi
Harasser: You mind if I stand here?
New Lady: Um…i mean, it’s whatever, y’know?
Harasser: Oh, ok. Let me just staaaand here *licks lips*

credits

released April 24, 2015
Written by Purdy Holsom
Beatz by Resin Productions
Backing vocals: E. Musolino
Mixed at Blue Moose Studios
Mastered by Bruno Talledo

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Purdy Holsom Durham, North Carolina

Singer-schlongbiter, rapper wrong-righter

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